Why Would I be Screwing With You?

Never ask for a screw in Homebase. It’s like asking the waitress at Starbucks; “Can I have a coffee?”. Literally you’ll look like an utter tit.

After asking a store clerk the location of some screws I didn’t realize the barrage of abuse I was to encounter. Ok it wasn’t necessarily abuse – more like a written report. A glaring look at me and then the detailed list of the possible screws in their storehouse and across all their stores on the global scale: copper hardboard pins, extra grip nail, felt nails, galvanized staples, masonry nails, self-tapping screws, super screws, tacks, panel pin, oval extra grip nail, round wire nail etc etc etc!  The ginger-haired, acne-loaded Homebase workhorse was well-informed.

Jeeze! Nails and screws have their own language. Next they’ll be naming highlighters or categorizing the types of staplers. Just image if they began renaming toilet cleaners!

I guess this incident was my fault, I should’ve phrased it so much better. How did I articulate it – “Do You Sell Screws?”. The worst possible question to ask in Homebase. You ask that and they’ll look at you as if the screws are loose in your head!


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